


Never Make A Bet With A Forensic Pathologist

by Somniare



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Bets, Costumes, Fluff, Halloween, Lewis FrightFest 2014, M/M, first kiss (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-22 20:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2521349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somniare/pseuds/Somniare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It seemed a safe bet at the time...”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Make A Bet With A Forensic Pathologist

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Lewis FrightFest 2014, though this is probably the most unHalloweeny Halloween story I could have written. 
> 
> Many thanks to paperscribe for beta and barcardivodka for Brit-picking. It has been tinkered with since it came home and any wonky bits are mine, all mine...
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except the mistakes.

 

* * *

 

The voice stopped James in his tracks.  “James! Glad I caught you before you left.”  As he turned, James avoided Lewis’s curious stare.  
  
“Dr Hobson, how may I help you?”  
  
“You know very well, James Hathaway.”  Dr Hobson delivered one of her best mock scowls.  “My Halloween party is this Saturday night, as we discussed.  The party starts at eight, but you’d better come a bit earlier so you can get ready.  I did win the bet, after all,” she added, raising one eyebrow.  
  
James jerked his head in a not-quite-there nod and exhaled heavily.  “I’ll be there.”  
  
“You can come too, if you like, Robbie.”  Dr Hobson winked at Lewis and lightly brushed James’s cheek.  With a waggle of her fingers she disappeared back in the direction she’d come, the spring in her step definitely higher.  
  
“What’s that about then?”  James felt the heat of Lewis’s body at his back and his breath on his neck.  It was all James could do not to shiver.  
  
“Dr Hobson made a bet with me.”  James gave silent thanks for the steadiness of his voice.  “I lost.”  
  
“I did work out that much, thank you.  Odd you never mentioned it before, though.”  
  
James had no real answer for Lewis.  He’d known this day was coming for a couple of months; however, Dr Hobson hadn’t mentioned it since the day it was obvious she’d won the bet, and James had half-hoped she’d spare him.  It had always been a forlorn hope.  
  
“We’ve been busy and it... it had seemed a safe bet at the time.  Shall we?”  James gestured towards the door and they continued outside to the car.  James hoped Lewis wouldn’t press the issue, yet expected him to.  He was unsure how Lewis would respond if he knew the truth, but at the same time wanted him to know.  Secrets had caused James more than enough trouble in the past.  James stopped with his hand on the roof of the car.  “You will come with me, won’t you?” he asked suddenly.  
  
Lewis looked startled by the question.  “Course I will, lad.  Not leaving you to face up to one of Laura’s schemes on your own, especially not now.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“C’mon, get in.  I believe you promised to make stir-fry, and that’s not going to happen in the car park.”  
  
James watched the passing streetscape as Lewis pulled into the early evening traffic.  
  
A few minutes into their drive, Lewis asked, “What did Laura mean by ‘you’d better come a bit earlier so you can get ready’?”  
  
“If I won the bet, Dr Hobson promised to never invite me to another party.  If I lost, I was to attend her Halloween Party and wear a costume of her choosing.”  
  
Lewis drew to a stop at the red light.  
  
“You made a bet to wear a costume?  A costume of Laura’s choice?  Were you drunk at the time?”  
  
“Perfectly sober, thank you.  Dr Hobson and I had lunch one day during the week you were up in Manchester after Jack was born, and... it sort of... came up.  As I said, it seemed like a safe bet at the time.”  
  
Lewis snorted.  “Let this be a lesson to you to never make a bet with a forensic pathologist, especially Laura.  She’ll have gathered all the facts she felt relevant before she made the wager.  Laura rarely bets on long odds.”  
  
“Oh, I know that now,” James murmured.  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“Nothing.”  James held Lewis’s searching gaze.  
  
“You’re a right puzzle some days, lad, d'you know that?”  
  
James smiled.  “It’s why you love me.”  
  
“Daft sod.”  
  
“Lights have changed,” James said quietly, accompanied by a horn blast from behind.  
  
They soon reached the turn to Lewis’s street.  Waiting for Lewis to ask the inevitable was making James restless.  
  
“Aren’t you the least bit curious as to what the bet was?”  
  
“A little.  But I know better than to badger you.  You’ll tell me if and when you’re ready.  No doubt it was something highly unlikely if you were confident you wouldn’t lose.”  
  
James hummed his agreement.  _I really believed it was impossible._  
  
They were silent until Lewis stopped the car in front of his building.  Lewis’s brow creased in puzzlement.  “I didn’t think Laura went in for Halloween.  I remember her telling me she thought it was commercial nonsense.”  
  
“What better occasion on which to get me into a no doubt ridiculous costume?”  
  
“True.”

* * *

 

**Saturday:**

  
James sat silently in the passenger seat.  Robbie had offered to drive so James could have a few drinks if he needed them to get through the night.  Parties generally put James in a bad mood; there was no telling what mood he’d end up in after a night in whatever get up Laura had chosen for him.  
  
Laura answered the door dressed as Alice in Wonderland, though the utilitarian apron spoiled the look somewhat.  She appeared amused, almost gleeful, when she saw Robbie and James.  
  
“I’d hoped you might turn up together, so I took the liberty of getting a costume for you as well, Robbie.  I knew you wouldn’t come prepared.”  
  
“Couldn’t leave James at your mercy, could I?  He’s me partner, I’ve got to look out for him.”  
  
“Of course he is, and of course you do.”  There was something about Laura’s tone that made Robbie’s copper’s nose itch.  He glanced at James, whose expression was worryingly neutral.  
  
“Hello, gentlemen.”  Jean Innocent emerged from Laura’s kitchen, very obviously dressed as the Red Queen, apart from the apron which matched Laura’s.  
  
If he were prone to jumping to conclusions, like, say, Peterson, Robbie would have wondered if there was something going on between the two women, which, of course, would have been a ridiculous notion.  
  
Innocent looked Robbie and James up and down.  “Where’re your costumes?  Oh, this isn’t work, is it?” she accused.  “I know you’re not on rotation – I made sure of it.”  
  
“No, ma’am.  Dr Hobson has our costumes here,” James answered smoothly.  
  
Innocent glanced from James to Laura to Robbie, and then back to Laura, who said, “I knew they’d be busy so I picked up the costumes for them.  At least this way I was guaranteed to get them here.”  
  
“Good thinking.”   A timer buzzed in the kitchen and Innocent disappeared.  
  
“Alice and the Red Queen, eh?”  Lewis raised his eyebrows.  “If we’re Tweedledee and Tweedledum...”  
  
“Give me some credit for imagination, Robbie.  Upstairs.  Spare room.  Now.  You’ve only got twenty minutes before the other guests are due to arrive.”  
  
“That’s plenty of time,” Robbie said.  “It’s not as though we’ve got make-up an’ hair to worry about.”  
  
“I’m relieved to hear that,” Laura said with a wink.  “Oh, James.  It could get a bit warm inside your costume so you’ll want to give some thought to what you wear underneath.  But I'm sure Robbie can help you sort that out.”  
  
Robbie followed a silent James up the stairs.  _She’s fishin’_ , Robbie decided, _though she’s a bit close for comfort._   In recent months Robbie and James’s friendship had swung in a direction Robbie hadn’t dared hope for, and once the first steps were taken events had moved very quickly; Lewis knew he’d surprised James with his own experience.  
  
The spare room was the first door on the left, which they both knew well.  Two suit bags lay on the double bed.  One was bulging like an overstuffed, oversized pillow and there was a paper pinned to it with ‘James’ in Laura’s hand.  A green head emerged when James opened the zip.  
  
“What on earth...?”  
  
“That’s Rex,” Robbie said.  “You know, from _Toy Story_.” _  
  
_“Since when do you know _Toy Story_?”  James blinked in surprise.  
  
“Our Lyn loves all those movies.”  
  
“Right.”  With a heavy sigh, James pulled the costume clear of the bag.  The heavy tail thumped against his legs.  “Bloody hell.  I'll never get down the stairs by myself,” he groaned.  
  
“You’ll not get into the bloody thing by yourself either.  Looks like we might need the full twenty minutes and more.”  
  
“Who are you?”  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“If I’m Rex, who are you?  It doesn’t look bulky enough for Mr Potato Head.”  
  
It was Robbie’s turn to be surprised.  “Since when do _you_ know _Toy Story_?”  
  
“I’m not all classics and film noir.”  
  
“So I’m learning.”  
  
“So, who are you?”  
  
Robbie lifted the other suit bag.  “If it’s bloody Bo-peep...”  He opened the zipper and something glinted under the overhead light and Robbie snorted.  “Laura’s not as imaginative as she’d like to think.”  He pulled out a tin badge.  “I'm Sheriff Woody.”  
  
“She should have picked Woody and Buzz Lightyear,” James said quietly.  “I wouldn’t have minded being Buzz, but... Rex?  It’s Buzz and Woody who go together.”  
  
“I suppose Laura decided Rex would be more fun... for her.”  
  
“Or less revealing,” James mumbled.  
  
“What d’you mean?  Tarzan would be a revealing bloke’s costume, or maybe Aladdin, but– James?”  
  
James had dropped himself down on the edge of the bed.  “She knows.”  
  
“Laura?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Knows what?”  
  
“About us.”  
  
“About us?  As in...”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“What...?  How can you be sure?”  
  
“That was the bet.”  James rocked forward, digging his elbows into his knees and burying his face in his hands.  “That day we had lunch, Dr Hobson told me to cheer up, and bet me I'd be with you before Christmas if only I’d get over my fear and do something about it.  I didn’t know how she could have known I...  I told her I had no idea what she was talking about, and I certainly couldn’t say anything to you at the time because...”  
  
“You thought it was a safe bet an' I'd never need to know about it.”   
  
James nodded sheepishly.  “I’m still not sure what I did to cause her to make the assumption she did, and I’d never seen any sign you might...”  
  
“But Laura did.  She’s sharp.”  Robbie was gobsmacked.  Laura had started dropping hints early in the New Year that there might be more to James's care and concern for him than simple friendship.  “Don’t be daft, woman,” he’d huffed, certain she was taking the mickey.  No matter how much he’d have liked it to be true, Robbie had been around long enough to know that a young bloke like James wouldn’t want a stuck-in-his-ways, crusty old Northerner like him.  He had, however, watched James closely after that, but hadn’t seen anything to encourage him further.   
  
When Robbie had returned from Manchester after Jack’s arrival, he’d met Laura for coffee.  She’d left him stunned when she’d insisted he had to work out what he wanted and convey that as clearly, and if necessary as gently, to James as he could in his ‘big boy we don't talk' way. “He's your awkward sod, remember?” she'd concluded fondly.  When he observed James this time, he realised Laura had been right.  The signs were subtle, and at first he’d thought he was imagining them, but they were there – a touch that lingered, an unexpected kindness, and sometimes he’d catch James watching him in a way that felt more intimate than anything Robbie had experienced in many years.  Still, it had taken Robbie some weeks to do anything about it, and once he had, he’d done everything he could to ensure Laura was in the dark.  She could be annoyingly cheerful when she was proved right.  
  
“She is sharp.”  James sat up straight.  “I didn’t really give it a lot of thought, and then... everything changed.”  
  
“And you told her we...?”  
  
“No!  God, no.”  James looked horrified at the suggestion.  “We agreed to be discreet until we’d made a decision about work, and I have been.”  
  
“Then how...?”  Robbie was suddenly fearful he may have been the one to let something slip.  
  
James blushed.  “Remember that fortnight I stayed at Dr Hobson's, a couple of months back when my flat was being repainted and rewired and she was away on holiday...”  James's words trailed off.  
  
How could Robbie possibly forget?  He and James had spent all of their free time there.  By the end of the first week, in the comfort of a safe, neutral space, Robbie had finally found the nerve to tell James about his past, of the boyfriend he'd had the year before he met Val, and how he really felt about James.  He could still feel the pressure in his chest as he'd held his breath waiting for James's response, and the complete certainty in his heart and mind when James's answer had been to kiss him very thoroughly.  They'd ended up in bed together – just cuddling that first night – as easily and comfortably as if they'd been together for years.  Which, Robbie had realised in hindsight, they had.  
  
“Aye,” he replied cautiously, wondering what James was going to reveal.  
  
James was now almost beetroot red.  “Well... Dr Hobson arrived home earlier than expected and caught me doing the washing – the sheets to be precise.  She took one look at them and said she was very happy for both of us.”  
  
“Oh.”  Robbie felt a flush creep up his own cheeks and fought the urge to giggle.  They'd made the most of that last night, knowing they would have to use more discretion once they were restricted to their own flats.  “Right.  Bit hard to bluff Laura on... that.”  
  
Robbie sat beside James, slipped his arm around his waist and pulled him close.  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he murmured gently.  Robbie wasn’t naive enough to believe Laura wouldn’t have found out for herself one way or another.  She _was_ sharp.  She observed.  He’d listened to her make bold claims about the potential relationship status of others in and around the station which had proven startlingly accurate.  However, unlike him and James, most of those couples weren’t looking at the possibility of their working partnership being split up when the relationship became public knowledge.  
  
James shrugged and rested his head against Robbie’s shoulder.  “I’d like to say it’s because I thought it would go away, that it would still be our secret.  I’d forgotten about the bet until then and when Laura reminded me... I didn’t mind that Laura knew, but I’d rather she’d found out when we were ready to say something and not... like that.”  He tipped his head back so he was looking at Robbie.  
  
“Well, since she does know–”  Robbie kissed James’s brow.  James twisted and captured his lips.  “I’m sure she'll understand if we're a bit slow getting down the stairs.”  
  
“Mmmm.  Innocent might not.”  
  
Robbie hadn’t forgotten.  “No.  Could be tricky to explain.  Well, suppose we’d better get dressed and downstairs before one of them comes looking for us.”  
  
James stood and started to undress.  He paused with his hands gripping the hem of his t-shirt.  “Off or on?”  
  
“Personally, I’d prefer to see it off, though we’d best wait ‘til we’re home for that.”  Robbie picked up the body of the Rex costume.  “Keep it on; I reckon this thing’ll be too itchy otherwise.”  
  
Robbie held the outfit so James could step into it, then helped James manoeuvre the heavy fabric around his long torso and over his arms, tugging the costume into place around him.  The headpiece sat on the bed.  
  
James put a hand, now enclosed in a three fingered ‘claw’, over Robbie’s as Robbie started to close the long zipper.  “There is a bright side to this,” James said, a cheeky grin on his face.  
  
“Oh, yeah?”  
  
“More than one, actually.”  James kissed him.  
  
“Go on.  Enlighten me.”  
  
“One, the bloody tail on this thing has me so unbalanced you’re going to have to hold on to me all night so I don't go arse over end; two, it’s heavy and hot, so I won’t be able to stay in it for too long; and three, with my hands in these–”  James waggled his ‘claws’.  “I can’t manage the zip, so you’re going to have to help me take the costume off at the end of the night.”  
  
Robbie was thoughtful.  “Right then.”  He grinned and reached for his own costume.  “The sooner we make an appearance downstairs the sooner I can take you home.  Reckon an early departure on our part might just make Laura’s night.”  He started to pick up the Rex headpiece.  
  
“Leave that.  I'll put it on at the last minute,” James said, leaning awkwardly against the bed.  “I know you'll help me down the stairs, but it’ll be easier for both of us if I can actually see where I'm going.”  
  
It was short work for Robbie to get the Woody costume on, and then he checked over James to ensure there was nothing else besides the tail which might prove a hazard, running his hands over the green material as he walked around James.  Robbie came to a stop, facing James, with his hands resting on James's shoulders.  “Next time you make a bet with Laura, or any forensic pathologist come to that, let me know.”  
  
“I will.” James was solemn.  
  
“Ah, I'm not scolding you, man,” Robbie said fondly, as he pulled James as close as the belly of James's costume would allow.  “Just think it might be nice to have some say in the outcome of the bet, especially if there's a chance I'll be encouraged to dress and undress you.”  He stretched forward to kiss James slowly and deeply.  “Yes, the party's gonna be a bit of a pain, and Laura's gonna revel in her moment, but the three of us are the only ones who'll know why.  Laura'll not say anything to anyone, not even Innocent.  It's a Halloween party, an' while people expect silly things to happen at Halloween parties Laura's observant and smart enough to nip any potential rumours in the bud.”  
  
“You're certain of that?”  James's tone was light, but the crease in his brow attested to his doubt.  
  
“She figured out you an' me before we did, didn't she?”  James nodded, a shy smile lighting his face.  “So I reckon she can outsmart the likes of Peterson and company, don't you?”  
  
James huffed a laugh.  “Oh, to be a fly on the wall when that happens.”  
  
“If we're lucky, Laura'll fill us in on all the details.  Right.”  Robbie held out his crooked arm to James.  “Ready to go?”  
  
James slipped his arm through Robbie's.  “To infinity and beyond.”  
  
“Rex doesn't–”  
  
“I know; but you have to admit it sounds a lot better than ‘oh, I hate all this uncertainty’.”  
  
“That it does.”  Robbie looked deep into James’s eyes.  “No uncertainty here, lad.  You?”  
  
“None whatsoever.”  James waved towards the door.  “To infinity and beyond?”  
  
“And beyond.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by four words which popped up during a Twitter conversation – “James and the Dinosaur.”
> 
> An adult Rex costume does exist somewhere. [This was my visual prompt.](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/63613413460111008/)


End file.
